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Friday 25 December 2009

FILM REVIEW- Avatar

Avatar (12A)

Where? In the cinema, on a 3D screen

3D’s future is in the balance…

Plot? Jake Sully (Worthington) is a crippled marine who is asked by humans to help conquer the alien race na’vi living on Pandora by disguising himself as one of them through and alternate body known as an avatar.

Review-

For film fanatics hype has weighed down on this movie for what feels likes eons. After all James Cameron’s incessant boasting about it being the first film shot completely in 3D and a new breakthrough in films boundaries, it could inevitably only disappoint.

But make no mistake, this wasn’t made for the cynics. It was always aimed at the largest audience possible, those who couldn’t care less for film snobs and their moaning, and just wanted a good night out. On that level it delivers. But it misses out on classic status.

One flaw is it’s far too bloated and overlong. At over two and a half hours long Cameron’s pared down, efficient story telling skills he so skilfully to utilised back in 1984 b-movie classic The Terminator are long gone.

Instead you get a over stuffed story, characters as shallow as a puddle and dialogue occasionally so wooden it splinters in your ears as you hear it.

But if one of the essentials to good Sci-fi is creating a convincing alternative world, Cameron has redeems many of these problems.

Pandora is one of the most convincing settings ever seen on film. With its lush green forests that fill the screen, crumbling mountains that inexplicably hang in mid-air and a selection of alien wildlife never before imagined this environment alone can envelope and immerses you like nothing else.

Unfortunately the heavy handed plot usually barges in and ruins the illusion. It’s regurgitations of bits of Dances with Wolves, Aliens and even Transformers aren’t entirely off-putting, but they certainly diminish some of the films more original touches, namely the idea of alternative body technology, avatars.

Made possible through body capture technology, the fact Sigourney Weaver in her blue faced Na’vi form looks real is as impressive as it is disturbing.

But one of the films most hyped innovations, the 3D, is nowhere near the leap forward hoped. 3D technology only really works when things are coming out of the screen at you, but Cameron has not gone down that route. Instead every scene is supposedly in 3D, but you rarely notice it. Not one moment or scene in the film is made significantly more exciting or involving by boasting a third dimension.

But even if the 3D was so stunning it blew your eyes away the same stodgy film would be underneath.

So in summary, this is a film where the special effects are its main selling point. If you like to see a films budget all up on the screen you will get your moneys worth.

But if you hoped that all the whizz-bang wizardry would be coupled with an equally stunning plot and multi-layered characters you’ll have to wait.

Verdict- Go in with expectations set accordingly and this will go down smoothly, but it’s hardly a memorable experience. (3/5)

Go further…

· The Terminator is still, arguably, Cameron’s most satisfying movie, and it’s technically only a B-movie. Go figure.

· Sam Worthington has now notched his dumb action movie tally to two, after Terminator Salvation earlier this year. It says a lot that despite being an android in that movie he is far more likable than he is here in Avatar.

· This lost to Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel when the films first went head to head (last Wednesday) in the US, making $16 million to Alvin’s $20 million.

Trailer…


LARGE NOSE MAN- Chapter Three

What is this? A continuing story about a superhero I made up, Large Nose Man. I wrote much of this many years ago, so I have edited it to make (some) sense, although it’s just a bit of fun really. One new chapter up every fortnight!

Chapter three

“In latest news, the head of the fish company Birds ear, Mr Alan Chovy, has been murdered in a back alley as he left his office. Police say they will investigate as soon as they get their donuts…” Announced the TV news anchor, who was trying not to be distracted by his colleagues behind the camera, as they continually gurned at him. He battled on.

“Why isn’t the news ever interesting?” mused viewer Alex Kent, as he reached for his remote, slouching back in his chair.

“It is said this is the work of the evil tyrant ‘The Doctor,’ who seems to being taking every company in the city to become ever more powerful and gain an iron grip on the the city, and then possibly, the world” continued the TV news announcer, who was secretly having an affair with the weathergirl. You could tell as she was the only one not gurning at him. “In other news the Donut Company has gone on strike, resulting in a strike from the poli-“

“What a load of hyperbole!” retorted Alex, as he switched the TV off. With that Alex slumped further back into his chair, and began to dream… “Hello again…” murmured the emerging evil apparition. (As seen in chapter one.) “I’m here to tell you that you are soon to face a grave dilemma…”

“Go away…I‘m in no mood for any of your pathetically un-scary dream threats.” Alex claimed defiantly.

“Ok fine, you ignorant twat, I’ll just watch you writhe in agony as you face a fate worth than death! Mwahahahaha!” Mwahaha’ed the evil apparition.

“There is no fate worse than death, you idiot, that’s impossible you fool.” Said Alex, wishing he had a baseball bat to beat the crap out of Mr Evil apparition.

“Ha! You’re wrong! Theirs is a worse fate, and that is…err…umm…Oh just shut up! I’m out of here! Enjoy your ridiculous fate!” Screamed the apparition.

After this seemingly pointless interlude, Alex woke up, at exactly 7am.

*

Part One-

http://ebtksonline.blogspot.com/2009/11/large-nose-man-chapter-one.html

Part Two-

http://ebtksonline.blogspot.com/2009/12/large-nose-man-chapter-two.html

Tuesday 22 December 2009

RANDOM RANT- Christmas TV Schedule

Mmmmm, Christmas TV guides. Feel the weight of the many pages. The happy smiling faces on the front. So many pages of meaningless waffle, as (if you’re me) you rapidly flick through to the film pages to see which version of Christmas Carol gets to be shown on the 24th.

This year it’s the Patrick Stewart one. The blandest of the lot. Decent enough but it’s got no Muppets. Or Bill Murray. Or Alastair Sim. Ah well. All the good ones have been played the last few days of course, but the Christmas Eve slot is the one essential to filling you with the necessary level of festive spirit.

Alternatives beyond watching Captain Picard turned Victorian miser are in short supply. Where’s A Wonderful Life, for instance? The schedulers really missed a trick here.

Gremlins on ITV2 is an unconventional Christmas offering, but it’s probably the best you’re going to get. I’m not kidding.

But don’t worry, pipes up ITV3. We have Overboard on at 9! Overboard? Overboard?! How is a sun drenched romantic comedy with Kurt Russell (as cool as he is) and Goldie Hawn in any way or description a Christmas film?

I think there must be some kind of joke or dare going on here behind the scenes. It’s the only explanation. Need proof? Scarface on ITV4. I am lost for words.

All the schedulers must be have joined up and decided that this year, instead of instilling joy within all TV viewers with a good film; they would band together and laugh at them.

If I was in their position I would too. And install secret cameras in the hapless fool’s televisions so I could watch their exasperated faces as they struggle to come to terms with their meagre viewing options.

They would eventually give up on watching Kurt Russell’s mugging, and force themselves to interact with each other, building up a good old Christmas family togetherness. Maybe Patrick Stewarts lame Carol offering isn’t so worthless after all.

*Merry Christmas everyone!*