FILM REVIEW- Fantastic Mr Fox

Fantastic Mr Fox (PG)

By Simon Reed

Does what it says on the tin.

Where- At my local Independent Cinema (Wimborne Tivoli)

Plot?

Mr F Fox is being hunted down by three local businessmen for stealing their produce, and must find ways of continually avoiding them.

Thoughts?

Wes Anderson doesn’t do mainstream. In fact it’s hard to find anything nearing cookie cutter in any of his films.

Obsessed with minor details alongside a penchant for laid back dialogue and characters, his attempt at a ‘kids’ film was always going to be interesting.

The result? A kids film that isn’t for kids. This is the films biggest strength and flaw.

Instead of dumbing down his dialogue for a younger audience, Anderson has simply made it come out of furry mouths in place of human ones.

Best described as intelligent and thoughtful, at worst over elaborate and smug, the discourse that floods over this film is an acquired taste indeed.

But for Wes devotees this is a dream come true. It may even win over people unsure of Anderson’s previous work, thanks to it considerably lighter tone. This is helped by the charmingly ramshackle stop motion. Yes, it’s even lighter than Tenenbaums, Zissou, Bottle Rocket or Darjeeling.

There’s none of the clumsy action of Zissou, uneven pace of Darjeeling or the slow story of Rocket. At only 90 minutes long this film is snappy, colourful, coherent and engaging.

This means that, ironically, in trying to make a kids film, Anderson has actually succeeded in making his most accessible adult film yet. But unfortunately kids will most likely be underwhelmed.

What isn’t underwhelming is the star studded voice cast. The mix of Clooney, Streep, Murray, Schwartzman, Gambon, Dafoe, (Owen) Wilson and, er, Jarvis Cocker could be overwhelming, but it ends up working quite well.

Anderson’s easygoing methods has seemingly spread across the cast, meaning no-one ends up dominating and unbalancing the film. Performances are subtle and satisfying.

A small exception is Wilem Dafoe as a murderous, dancing rat, but as he is involved in one of the best deaths scenes ever (seriously) you can let it slide.

Hopefully with this new experience under his belt Anderson can finally make a completely coherent and satisfying live action movie, without surrendering his unique style. But even if he doesn’t his films will still be some of the most intriguing, idiosyncratic and imaginative around.

Verdict?

As a childrens film it’s a failure, but for the older crowd it’s a understated winner. (4/5)

Go Further?

• Owen Wilson has a small cameo as a Gym teacher, but where’s his brother and Wes mainstay Luke?
• Try to go to a late night viewing with the least amount of kids present if possible…in my showing the youngsters grew a little restless with all the quirky dialogue, and became quite distracting.
• This isn’t Anderson’s first crack at animation. Check out the underwater scene at the end of the Life Aquatic.

Trailer?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n2igjYFojUo

FILM REVIEW- Avatar

Avatar (12A)

Where? In the cinema, on a 3D screen

3D’s future is in the balance…

Plot? Jake Sully (Worthington) is a crippled marine who is asked by humans to help conquer the alien race na’vi living on Pandora by disguising himself as one of them through and alternate body known as an avatar.

Review-

For film fanatics hype has weighed down on this movie for what feels likes eons. After all James Cameron’s incessant boasting about it being the first film shot completely in 3D and a new breakthrough in films boundaries, it could inevitably only disappoint.

But make no mistake, this wasn’t made for the cynics. It was always aimed at the largest audience possible, those who couldn’t care less for film snobs and their moaning, and just wanted a good night out. On that level it delivers. But it misses out on classic status.

One flaw is it’s far too bloated and overlong. At over two and a half hours long Cameron’s pared down, efficient story telling skills he so skilfully to utilised back in 1984 b-movie classic The Terminator are long gone.

Instead you get a over stuffed story, characters as shallow as a puddle and dialogue occasionally so wooden it splinters in your ears as you hear it.

But if one of the essentials to good Sci-fi is creating a convincing alternative world, Cameron has redeems many of these problems.

Pandora is one of the most convincing settings ever seen on film. With its lush green forests that fill the screen, crumbling mountains that inexplicably hang in mid-air and a selection of alien wildlife never before imagined this environment alone can envelope and immerses you like nothing else.

Unfortunately the heavy handed plot usually barges in and ruins the illusion. It’s regurgitations of bits of Dances with Wolves, Aliens and even Transformers aren’t entirely off-putting, but they certainly diminish some of the films more original touches, namely the idea of alternative body technology, avatars.

Made possible through body capture technology, the fact Sigourney Weaver in her blue faced Na’vi form looks real is as impressive as it is disturbing.

But one of the films most hyped innovations, the 3D, is nowhere near the leap forward hoped. 3D technology only really works when things are coming out of the screen at you, but Cameron has not gone down that route. Instead every scene is supposedly in 3D, but you rarely notice it. Not one moment or scene in the film is made significantly more exciting or involving by boasting a third dimension.

But even if the 3D was so stunning it blew your eyes away the same stodgy film would be underneath.

So in summary, this is a film where the special effects are its main selling point. If you like to see a films budget all up on the screen you will get your moneys worth.

But if you hoped that all the whizz-bang wizardry would be coupled with an equally stunning plot and multi-layered characters you’ll have to wait.

Verdict- Go in with expectations set accordingly and this will go down smoothly, but it’s hardly a memorable experience. (3/5)

Go further…

· The Terminator is still, arguably, Cameron’s most satisfying movie, and it’s technically only a B-movie. Go figure.

· Sam Worthington has now notched his dumb action movie tally to two, after Terminator Salvation earlier this year. It says a lot that despite being an android in that movie he is far more likable than he is here in Avatar.

· This lost to Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel when the films first went head to head (last Wednesday) in the US, making $16 million to Alvin’s $20 million.

Trailer…

LARGE NOSE MAN- Chapter Three

What is this? A continuing story about a superhero I made up, Large Nose Man. I wrote much of this many years ago, so I have edited it to make (some) sense, although it’s just a bit of fun really. One new chapter up every fortnight!

Chapter three

“In latest news, the head of the fish company Birds ear, Mr Alan Chovy, has been murdered in a back alley as he left his office. Police say they will investigate as soon as they get their donuts…” Announced the TV news anchor, who was trying not to be distracted by his colleagues behind the camera, as they continually gurned at him. He battled on.

“Why isn’t the news ever interesting?” mused viewer Alex Kent, as he reached for his remote, slouching back in his chair.

“It is said this is the work of the evil tyrant ‘The Doctor,’ who seems to being taking every company in the city to become ever more powerful and gain an iron grip on the the city, and then possibly, the world” continued the TV news announcer, who was secretly having an affair with the weathergirl. You could tell as she was the only one not gurning at him. “In other news the Donut Company has gone on strike, resulting in a strike from the poli-“

“What a load of hyperbole!” retorted Alex, as he switched the TV off. With that Alex slumped further back into his chair, and began to dream… “Hello again…” murmured the emerging evil apparition. (As seen in chapter one.) “I’m here to tell you that you are soon to face a grave dilemma…”

“Go away…I‘m in no mood for any of your pathetically un-scary dream threats.” Alex claimed defiantly.

“Ok fine, you ignorant twat, I’ll just watch you writhe in agony as you face a fate worth than death! Mwahahahaha!” Mwahaha’ed the evil apparition.

“There is no fate worse than death, you idiot, that’s impossible you fool.” Said Alex, wishing he had a baseball bat to beat the crap out of Mr Evil apparition.

“Ha! You’re wrong! Theirs is a worse fate, and that is…err…umm…Oh just shut up! I’m out of here! Enjoy your ridiculous fate!” Screamed the apparition.

After this seemingly pointless interlude, Alex woke up, at exactly 7am.

*

Part One-

http://ebtksonline.blogspot.com/2009/11/large-nose-man-chapter-one.html

Part Two-

http://ebtksonline.blogspot.com/2009/12/large-nose-man-chapter-two.html

RANDOM RANT- Christmas TV Schedule

Mmmmm, Christmas TV guides. Feel the weight of the many pages. The happy smiling faces on the front. So many pages of meaningless waffle, as (if you’re me) you rapidly flick through to the film pages to see which version of Christmas Carol gets to be shown on the 24^th.

This year it’s the Patrick Stewart one. The blandest of the lot. Decent enough but it’s got no Muppets. Or Bill Murray. Or Alastair Sim. Ah well. All the good ones have been played the last few days of course, but the Christmas Eve slot is the one essential to filling you with the necessary level of festive spirit.

Alternatives beyond watching Captain Picard turned Victorian miser are in short supply. Where’s A Wonderful Life, for instance? The schedulers really missed a trick here.

Gremlins on ITV2 is an unconventional Christmas offering, but it’s probably the best you’re going to get. I’m not kidding.

But don’t worry, pipes up ITV3. We have Overboard on at 9! Overboard? Overboard?! How is a sun drenched romantic comedy with Kurt Russell (as cool as he is) and Goldie Hawn in any way or description a Christmas film?

I think there must be some kind of joke or dare going on here behind the scenes. It’s the only explanation. Need proof? Scarface on ITV4. I am lost for words.

All the schedulers must be have joined up and decided that this year, instead of instilling joy within all TV viewers with a good film; they would band together and laugh at them.

If I was in their position I would too. And install secret cameras in the hapless fool’s televisions so I could watch their exasperated faces as they struggle to come to terms with their meagre viewing options.

They would eventually give up on watching Kurt Russell’s mugging, and force themselves to interact with each other, building up a good old Christmas family togetherness. Maybe Patrick Stewarts lame Carol offering isn’t so worthless after all.

*Merry Christmas everyone!*

VIDEOGAME FEATURE- GameCentral Publish My Feature!

I wake up. Turn on my computer. Start reading Gamecentral (was a teletext videogame ‘magazine’ of sorts, now exists solely online), and was shocked to see my name on this weekend’s reader feature.

I submitted it to them last week but I didn’t think they would actually use it. So i’m quite pleased. It’s similar to the piece I had on the Geeks.co.uk website, but is far more opinionated. See it here-

http://www.teletext.co.uk/gamecentral/features-reviews/991bc40d96ea24391de3b5f868f4a11f/Shelving+retail+games.aspx

And the Geeks.co.uk piece-

http://www.geeks.co.uk/10483-are-game-cartridges-on-the-way-out-are-downloads-the-future

RANDOM RANT- How A Poster Can Put You Off A Film…

Above we have the poster for the sure-to-be-so-formulaic-it-will-make-you-puke romantic comedy ‘Did You Hear About The Morgans.’

There are bad posters and then there’s this. I know Photoshop is an essential tool in making film stars and the like seem less like ‘us,’ and more like superhuman deities, but this poster takes the proverbial biscuit.

I do sympathise though. The guy who had to touch up this particular poster had a hell of a job.

First off, Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker are long past their ‘best,’ in terms of both looks and their films.

To tackle this, the Photoshop guy/gal has decided to pretty much cover this up- in any way possible.

Look at Jessica Parker in the poster. Now look at her in the photo below. It seems as if, clearly sickened by Jessica-Horseface-Parker’s puke inducing skin tones, the photo shopper has simply decided to cut out the middle man, and simply slapped a layer of white gloss over Parker’s ugly mush.

She now looks more ghost than human. It says a lot that this new poltergeist look is better/less horrifying than her old/real look.

Hugh Grant looks a little better, but I feel this is only because of having Parker right below him. It’s like putting a bag of trash next to a puddle of sick.

So, in conclusion, this is a terrible poster. I can’t imagine anyone being convinced to go and see this film after being exposed to it. I’m almost tempted to hang around in my cinema all day just to see what types of creatures would voluntarily pay to watch it.

I think a better approach for the distributors of this film would of a been a bit of self depreciation. Instead of putting the ageing ‘stars’ actual faces on the poster, they should have put some cartoonish caricatures on it instead. At least that would show some balls, and I for one, would have applauded it.

For Grant, he should of been drawn with an oversized head sporting a exaggerated floppy fringe, alongside a speech bubble saying- “Yes, I'm playing the bloody annoying, over mannered English fop. Again.”

For Parker, she should have been made out as a half woman half horse mutation, getting stuck into a trough of tasty mule slop. They could even elongate her face so that- oh. Never mind.

FILM REVIEW- Twilight: New Moon

Twilight: New Moon (12A)

By Simon Reed

Romance and werewolves and vampires, oh my!

Where?

At my local multiplex (Empire, Tower Park) cinema

Plot?

Bella (Kristen Stewart) struggles to get over losing Edward (Robert Pattinson), a vampire, and then develops a relationship with Jacob (Taylor Lautner), a werewolf. Standard stuff all in all.

Thoughts?

Nothing anyone aid against this film could stop it becoming the box office force it has become since it opened a few weeks ago. Critic proof does not cover it.

Even if it featured several depraved killings or incited religious outrage, the series legions of die hard fans, also known as twi-hards, would still flock to it.

But many of the un-coverted will find themselves wishing for something, anything, to happen at all in the films opening act, let alone something controversial.

To say the first half hour is one of the most tepid and uninspiring reel of film seen this year is not an exaggeration.

It may fit in with the book (which is somehow even more angst ridden) but it raises one of the main problem with the film-it gives you little chance to sympathise or care about the characters.

Bella is a simpering wimp for most of the film, and never seems to come close to even thinking of enjoying life.

“Yes, you’re heartbroken”, you think, and your only true love has abandoned you, leaving your life nothing but fruitless attempts to mend your shattered heart-but what makes you worth caring about?

The same goes for the ghost like Pattinson, as well as the nice but ultimately unsympathetic Lautner.

These dull needy characters may work as words on the page, where you can reshape them within your head as engaging protagonists, but on the big screen they are left floundering and stranded from the audience, failing to capture your attention or imagination.

Despite this somewhat crippling flaw the film recovers somewhat near the end, with a little action and the introductions of some intriguing new characters, such as the Volturi group of vampires headed by Michael Sheen.

But overall it to truly enjoy the whole tale, it is probably essential to have invested time in the books so you can truly care and understand these characters.

But looking in from outside the Twilight fan club this is hard work, and new bloods should steer clear. For the fans however, of which every last frame of this was tailored specifically for, this is manna from heaven.

Verdict- A film which takes ages to get going, and even then struggles to justify why it has so many raving obsessive fans. (2/5)

Go Further-

• The two main characters, Edward and Bella, seem to me at least, to reference worst director of all time Ed Wood and his pal Bela Lugosi. Think about it. Edward sounds like Ed Wood spoken aloud, and Bella could be code for Bela Lugosi. Is this deliberate? Or does this idea makes me seem like a raving madman? I demand to know!

• See Michael Sheen steal the whole film in his mere 10 minutes on screen as head vamp of the Volturi. Sheen’s films this year include The Damned United, Underworld 3 and Frost/Nixon. He can’t be accused of not mixing up his film roles…

The Trailer…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KYBF3HKzrmE