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Friday, 25 December 2009

FILM REVIEW- Avatar

Avatar (12A)

Where? In the cinema, on a 3D screen

3D’s future is in the balance…

Plot? Jake Sully (Worthington) is a crippled marine who is asked by humans to help conquer the alien race na’vi living on Pandora by disguising himself as one of them through and alternate body known as an avatar.

Review-

For film fanatics hype has weighed down on this movie for what feels likes eons. After all James Cameron’s incessant boasting about it being the first film shot completely in 3D and a new breakthrough in films boundaries, it could inevitably only disappoint.

But make no mistake, this wasn’t made for the cynics. It was always aimed at the largest audience possible, those who couldn’t care less for film snobs and their moaning, and just wanted a good night out. On that level it delivers. But it misses out on classic status.

One flaw is it’s far too bloated and overlong. At over two and a half hours long Cameron’s pared down, efficient story telling skills he so skilfully to utilised back in 1984 b-movie classic The Terminator are long gone.

Instead you get a over stuffed story, characters as shallow as a puddle and dialogue occasionally so wooden it splinters in your ears as you hear it.

But if one of the essentials to good Sci-fi is creating a convincing alternative world, Cameron has redeems many of these problems.

Pandora is one of the most convincing settings ever seen on film. With its lush green forests that fill the screen, crumbling mountains that inexplicably hang in mid-air and a selection of alien wildlife never before imagined this environment alone can envelope and immerses you like nothing else.

Unfortunately the heavy handed plot usually barges in and ruins the illusion. It’s regurgitations of bits of Dances with Wolves, Aliens and even Transformers aren’t entirely off-putting, but they certainly diminish some of the films more original touches, namely the idea of alternative body technology, avatars.

Made possible through body capture technology, the fact Sigourney Weaver in her blue faced Na’vi form looks real is as impressive as it is disturbing.

But one of the films most hyped innovations, the 3D, is nowhere near the leap forward hoped. 3D technology only really works when things are coming out of the screen at you, but Cameron has not gone down that route. Instead every scene is supposedly in 3D, but you rarely notice it. Not one moment or scene in the film is made significantly more exciting or involving by boasting a third dimension.

But even if the 3D was so stunning it blew your eyes away the same stodgy film would be underneath.

So in summary, this is a film where the special effects are its main selling point. If you like to see a films budget all up on the screen you will get your moneys worth.

But if you hoped that all the whizz-bang wizardry would be coupled with an equally stunning plot and multi-layered characters you’ll have to wait.

Verdict- Go in with expectations set accordingly and this will go down smoothly, but it’s hardly a memorable experience. (3/5)

Go further…

· The Terminator is still, arguably, Cameron’s most satisfying movie, and it’s technically only a B-movie. Go figure.

· Sam Worthington has now notched his dumb action movie tally to two, after Terminator Salvation earlier this year. It says a lot that despite being an android in that movie he is far more likable than he is here in Avatar.

· This lost to Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel when the films first went head to head (last Wednesday) in the US, making $16 million to Alvin’s $20 million.

Trailer…


LARGE NOSE MAN- Chapter Three

What is this? A continuing story about a superhero I made up, Large Nose Man. I wrote much of this many years ago, so I have edited it to make (some) sense, although it’s just a bit of fun really. One new chapter up every fortnight!

Chapter three

“In latest news, the head of the fish company Birds ear, Mr Alan Chovy, has been murdered in a back alley as he left his office. Police say they will investigate as soon as they get their donuts…” Announced the TV news anchor, who was trying not to be distracted by his colleagues behind the camera, as they continually gurned at him. He battled on.

“Why isn’t the news ever interesting?” mused viewer Alex Kent, as he reached for his remote, slouching back in his chair.

“It is said this is the work of the evil tyrant ‘The Doctor,’ who seems to being taking every company in the city to become ever more powerful and gain an iron grip on the the city, and then possibly, the world” continued the TV news announcer, who was secretly having an affair with the weathergirl. You could tell as she was the only one not gurning at him. “In other news the Donut Company has gone on strike, resulting in a strike from the poli-“

“What a load of hyperbole!” retorted Alex, as he switched the TV off. With that Alex slumped further back into his chair, and began to dream… “Hello again…” murmured the emerging evil apparition. (As seen in chapter one.) “I’m here to tell you that you are soon to face a grave dilemma…”

“Go away…I‘m in no mood for any of your pathetically un-scary dream threats.” Alex claimed defiantly.

“Ok fine, you ignorant twat, I’ll just watch you writhe in agony as you face a fate worth than death! Mwahahahaha!” Mwahaha’ed the evil apparition.

“There is no fate worse than death, you idiot, that’s impossible you fool.” Said Alex, wishing he had a baseball bat to beat the crap out of Mr Evil apparition.

“Ha! You’re wrong! Theirs is a worse fate, and that is…err…umm…Oh just shut up! I’m out of here! Enjoy your ridiculous fate!” Screamed the apparition.

After this seemingly pointless interlude, Alex woke up, at exactly 7am.

*

Part One-

http://ebtksonline.blogspot.com/2009/11/large-nose-man-chapter-one.html

Part Two-

http://ebtksonline.blogspot.com/2009/12/large-nose-man-chapter-two.html

Tuesday, 22 December 2009

RANDOM RANT- Christmas TV Schedule

Mmmmm, Christmas TV guides. Feel the weight of the many pages. The happy smiling faces on the front. So many pages of meaningless waffle, as (if you’re me) you rapidly flick through to the film pages to see which version of Christmas Carol gets to be shown on the 24th.

This year it’s the Patrick Stewart one. The blandest of the lot. Decent enough but it’s got no Muppets. Or Bill Murray. Or Alastair Sim. Ah well. All the good ones have been played the last few days of course, but the Christmas Eve slot is the one essential to filling you with the necessary level of festive spirit.

Alternatives beyond watching Captain Picard turned Victorian miser are in short supply. Where’s A Wonderful Life, for instance? The schedulers really missed a trick here.

Gremlins on ITV2 is an unconventional Christmas offering, but it’s probably the best you’re going to get. I’m not kidding.

But don’t worry, pipes up ITV3. We have Overboard on at 9! Overboard? Overboard?! How is a sun drenched romantic comedy with Kurt Russell (as cool as he is) and Goldie Hawn in any way or description a Christmas film?

I think there must be some kind of joke or dare going on here behind the scenes. It’s the only explanation. Need proof? Scarface on ITV4. I am lost for words.

All the schedulers must be have joined up and decided that this year, instead of instilling joy within all TV viewers with a good film; they would band together and laugh at them.

If I was in their position I would too. And install secret cameras in the hapless fool’s televisions so I could watch their exasperated faces as they struggle to come to terms with their meagre viewing options.

They would eventually give up on watching Kurt Russell’s mugging, and force themselves to interact with each other, building up a good old Christmas family togetherness. Maybe Patrick Stewarts lame Carol offering isn’t so worthless after all.

*Merry Christmas everyone!*

Saturday, 19 December 2009

VIDEOGAME FEATURE- GameCentral Publish My Feature!

I wake up. Turn on my computer. Start reading Gamecentral (was a teletext videogame ‘magazine’ of sorts, now exists solely online), and was shocked to see my name on this weekend’s reader feature.

I submitted it to them last week but I didn’t think they would actually use it. So i’m quite pleased. It’s similar to the piece I had on the Geeks.co.uk website, but is far more opinionated. See it here-

http://www.teletext.co.uk/gamecentral/features-reviews/991bc40d96ea24391de3b5f868f4a11f/Shelving+retail+games.aspx

And the Geeks.co.uk piece-

http://www.geeks.co.uk/10483-are-game-cartridges-on-the-way-out-are-downloads-the-future

Thursday, 17 December 2009

RANDOM RANT- How A Poster Can Put You Off A Film…

Above we have the poster for the sure-to-be-so-formulaic-it-will-make-you-puke romantic comedy ‘Did You Hear About The Morgans.’

There are bad posters and then there’s this. I know Photoshop is an essential tool in making film stars and the like seem less like ‘us,’ and more like superhuman deities, but this poster takes the proverbial biscuit.

I do sympathise though. The guy who had to touch up this particular poster had a hell of a job.

First off, Hugh Grant and Sarah Jessica Parker are long past their ‘best,’ in terms of both looks and their films.

To tackle this, the Photoshop guy/gal has decided to pretty much cover this up- in any way possible.

Look at Jessica Parker in the poster. Now look at her in the photo below. It seems as if, clearly sickened by Jessica-Horseface-Parker’s puke inducing skin tones, the photo shopper has simply decided to cut out the middle man, and simply slapped a layer of white gloss over Parker’s ugly mush.

She now looks more ghost than human. It says a lot that this new poltergeist look is better/less horrifying than her old/real look.

Hugh Grant looks a little better, but I feel this is only because of having Parker right below him. It’s like putting a bag of trash next to a puddle of sick.

So, in conclusion, this is a terrible poster. I can’t imagine anyone being convinced to go and see this film after being exposed to it. I’m almost tempted to hang around in my cinema all day just to see what types of creatures would voluntarily pay to watch it.

I think a better approach for the distributors of this film would of a been a bit of self depreciation. Instead of putting the ageing ‘stars’ actual faces on the poster, they should have put some cartoonish caricatures on it instead. At least that would show some balls, and I for one, would have applauded it.

For Grant, he should of been drawn with an oversized head sporting a exaggerated floppy fringe, alongside a speech bubble saying- “Yes, I'm playing the bloody annoying, over mannered English fop. Again.”

For Parker, she should have been made out as a half woman half horse mutation, getting stuck into a trough of tasty mule slop. They could even elongate her face so that- oh. Never mind.

Wednesday, 16 December 2009

FILM REVIEW- Twilight: New Moon

Twilight: New Moon (12A)

By Simon Reed

Romance and werewolves and vampires, oh my!

Where?

At my local multiplex (Empire, Tower Park) cinema

Plot?

Bella (Kristen Stewart) struggles to get over losing Edward (Robert Pattinson), a vampire, and then develops a relationship with Jacob (Taylor Lautner), a werewolf. Standard stuff all in all.

Thoughts?

Nothing anyone aid against this film could stop it becoming the box office force it has become since it opened a few weeks ago. Critic proof does not cover it.

Even if it featured several depraved killings or incited religious outrage, the series legions of die hard fans, also known as twi-hards, would still flock to it.

But many of the un-coverted will find themselves wishing for something, anything, to happen at all in the films opening act, let alone something controversial.

To say the first half hour is one of the most tepid and uninspiring reel of film seen this year is not an exaggeration.

It may fit in with the book (which is somehow even more angst ridden) but it raises one of the main problem with the film-it gives you little chance to sympathise or care about the characters.

Bella is a simpering wimp for most of the film, and never seems to come close to even thinking of enjoying life.

“Yes, you’re heartbroken”, you think, and your only true love has abandoned you, leaving your life nothing but fruitless attempts to mend your shattered heart-but what makes you worth caring about?

The same goes for the ghost like Pattinson, as well as the nice but ultimately unsympathetic Lautner.

These dull needy characters may work as words on the page, where you can reshape them within your head as engaging protagonists, but on the big screen they are left floundering and stranded from the audience, failing to capture your attention or imagination.

Despite this somewhat crippling flaw the film recovers somewhat near the end, with a little action and the introductions of some intriguing new characters, such as the Volturi group of vampires headed by Michael Sheen.

But overall it to truly enjoy the whole tale, it is probably essential to have invested time in the books so you can truly care and understand these characters.

But looking in from outside the Twilight fan club this is hard work, and new bloods should steer clear. For the fans however, of which every last frame of this was tailored specifically for, this is manna from heaven.

Verdict- A film which takes ages to get going, and even then struggles to justify why it has so many raving obsessive fans. (2/5)

Go Further-

  • The two main characters, Edward and Bella, seem to me at least, to reference worst director of all time Ed Wood and his pal Bela Lugosi. Think about it. Edward sounds like Ed Wood spoken aloud, and Bella could be code for Bela Lugosi. Is this deliberate? Or does this idea makes me seem like a raving madman? I demand to know!

  • See Michael Sheen steal the whole film in his mere 10 minutes on screen as head vamp of the Volturi. Sheen’s films this year include The Damned United, Underworld 3 and Frost/Nixon. He can’t be accused of not mixing up his film roles…

The Trailer…

Monday, 14 December 2009

FILM FEATURE- Independent Cinema’s battle to survive

With newer technology such as 3D I look at whether there is a place for old fashioned movie houses amongst chain and modern independent cinemas in Britain.

There’s nothing quite like going to the movies. A night out in front of the big screen can light up an otherwise dull week. But where do you go to see to get your film fix? Is it the shining new multiplex? Or the lovable old independent down the road that has seen better days, and needs your support?

That old cinema has had a lot to live with in the last 30 years. With the British film industry faltering in the 80’s, it had to look to the bright lights of Hollywood to survive. The quaint Ealing comedies of the 40’s and 50’s and peculiar oddities such as the Wicker man that were part of Britain’s cinematic heyday were over, to be painted over by Hollywood’s dominating pattern.

Chain cinemas came along, or perhaps came about, from this rise of Hollywood blockbusters, and had no problems gaining huge mainstream audiences. But the smaller independent cinemas were left shell shocked, many failing to adapt to this sudden shift in the cinema scene.

One such cinema that struggled was the Tivoli Theatre in Wimborne. Having to close in 1980 it looked set to be reduced to rubble for a new road scheme. Yet a dedicated local group, saved it in 1990, and took three years to restore its art deco features of chrome and ancient bakelite back to former glories.

Walking into the Tivoli now is like going through a time warp. The hard marble floors are buffed to a reflective shine. To buy your ticket there is a wooden booth in the corner, alongside a variety of sweets stocked in a cabinet, where you pay into a Tupperware pot. Entering the single screen you find the rigid seats uncomfortable, with a fabric design an upholstery shop has probably not stocked for twenty years. And during the intermission an usher trundles down the aisles selling pots of ice creams that you eat with the supplied wooden spoons.

(Above-The interior of the Wimborne Tivoli. Feel the retro magic…)

It’s an unexplainable mystery that a cinema can operate like this in the 21st century, but it’s a magical mystery. Because for all of multiplexes comfort, choice of junk food and unrivalled technical excellence, they feel a little cold compared to places like the Tivoli.

So how does a place like this survive? Charlie North Lewis, the Director and Programmer at the Tivoli, says that he faces a struggle to divert from a particular formula of success.

“In our case you rely solely on your box office, and what your audience want. If a film is shown here it has to have had a tremendous amount of hype, or nobody will come. Basically, if it is set in Britain, a costume drama, or stars Judi Dench or Colin Firth it will be hugely successful here, at the very least. There are occasions where there is nothing out there for our specific audience, so then I have to take a risk and choose a film that has done well in the chain cinemas and hope it does well here.”

Having been to an evening screening of sweary gangster flick RocknRolla at the Tivoli, I can testify that it has a specific clientele, and younger people it certainly is not. With around 20 people scattered amongst the 500 seats that night it’s clear that places like the Tivoli do not possess as much freedom as other, more modern independents.

One such modern independent is the Quad in Derby. Opening just a year ago, it is as different from the Tivoli as you can possibly get. With a design aesthetic of bright and bold colours, sharp vibrant angles and shining glass it boasts the modernity of a chain, but retains an independent personality all of its own like the Tivoli.

(Above-The Derby Quad. Modern in the extreme.)

And Kathy Frain, the Quads Marketing Officer, says that modern Independents such as hers are in a stronger position than they have ever been before.

“In the past independents were seen to be a bit down at heel compared to the glossy new multiplexes, but due to more commercial success and financial input from organisations like the Film Council, some independents, like the Quad, are now comparable on every level in terms of customer comfort, and projection equipment.”

The key example of an independent gaining huge commercial success is, of course, the Picturehouse cinemas. Also known as City Screen, it formed in 1989 to challenge multiplexes dominance and was hugely successful, and has now 18 buildings across the country, becoming the leading independent cinema operator in Britain.

(Above-The Southampton Picturehouse)

Louise Scutts, the General Manager at the Southampton branch, thinks that even though the Picurehouse has become as widespread as a chain, they still maintain an independent cinema approach, and that cinemas such as them are needed to stop multiplexes dominating Britain.

“We have a very indie mentality, as we started off very small back in the 80’s. It’s been a policy that we are set up in university towns hence them being in Brighton and Southampton, Cambridge, Oxford those types of places. We tend to adapt for the audience because we have 18 screens in Southampton, banging away at mainstream, and it’s not worth taking them on, so we have a much more art house programme than other Picturehouses, while others have a much more mainstream one, but it is tailored. We’re all trying to do the same type of thing.”

“When multiplexes were first rearing their ugly heads in the early 80’s they were going ‘there will be more choice for the cinema goer, you’ll be able to see loads more films it’ll be much better…’ Rubbish. Absolute rubbish. They’ve just put the same film in as many screens as possible. So they actually limit the choice.”

Independents such as the Picturehouse and Quad may be able to roll with the punches alongside multiplexes, but cinemas such as the Tivoli do not have their modern set up and could end up being in trouble if their specific audience leaves them.

Susi Teall, the general manager of Poole’s Empire cinema however, is reluctant to say whether chain cinemas such as hers will ever kill off old fashioned independents, and that multiplexes face their own problems keeping audiences happy.

“Independents will possibly need funding from the arts council or the lottery but as long as that kind of assistance is there for them I see no reason why they can't survive. I know that the arts council is offering big grants toward digital for the independents and I think the only reason that any of them would fail is if they don't keep apace with the technology. I'm sure, for example, that the Tivoli in Wimborne would be a far more appropriate venue to screen live from the Royal Opera House than we would. But that's not to say that we won't give these events a go.”

“At the end of the day we are not a charity. We have massive utility costs, rents, staffing but we will always endeavour to show as wide a range of films as we can. As much as I personally hate most of the blockbuster films, they are what the majority want to see and if the demand if high we need to meet it. For example, over the past few days I have had to deal with so many complaints that the opening weekend shows of Twilight: New Moon are already sold out, meaning that I had to secure a third copy and open up another screen for sale. This will inevitably mean that we will lose something else but why show a film with only 20 people watching when I can keep 250 people happy?”

But talking to Anne Lonsdale, a Supervisor at the Southampton Cineworld, she thinks that chains are starting to exploring ways in which to make sure that audiences stay loyal to them, keeping them away from independents.

“We’ve got our Cineworld unlimited card which is £13.50 a month and it helps customers stay with us. As well as the unlimited cards, where they can watch as many films as they want, they also get concessions on items every now and again. I think it keeps them mainly loyal to the cinema.”

So with chains doing more and more to keep audiences coming to only them, including recent 3d technology, how will can older independent cinemas keep people coming through the door? Much of the audience for these old fashioned movie houses places such as the Tivoli seems to be an older crowd, getting a kick from the old décor, reliving the nostalgic film trips of their youth.

Dougal Dixon, part owner and projectionist at the Rex in Wareham, an older fashioned independent, that like the Tivoli, is run by a group of local volunteers, says that attracting a younger audience is their main problem.

“We accepted a long time that we had lost our teenage audience when tower park opened in Poole. I don’t think we can get them back, it is just the way the cinema is set up. We cannot get films on their release and that is what young people want now, the ‘I want it now generation. We do family films in the school holidays in the hope that young children can come along and experience our cinema and want to come back. Overall, I think we can survive. I have kept us going for 23 years so I must be doing something right!”

(Above-The Rex Cinema in Wareham)

Woody Harding, a member of a committee for the Purbeck Film Festival, the annual southern event which shows films from places such as town halls and cafes, thinks the only way independents survive is to pull off a tough balancing act.

“We do a survey every year as we are very conscious that our constituency is made up of just an older audience. Cinemas like the Tivoli and the Rex may need to show films that a chain cinema would just to try and get young people in. There may have to be a compromise, where they will have to put on a mix of commercial films and ones which are less mainstream.”

Older independents may have to get younger audiences to understand that they are not about technical perfection, but a character you can get nowhere else, and are worthy of their support. Their future may be uncertain but older independents have proved, as in the 80’s, they can survive against the odds.

fin

Go Further-

Tivoli Website

http://www.tivoliwimborne.co.uk/

Quad Website

http://www.derbyquad.co.uk/

Picturehouse Website

http://www.picturehouses.co.uk/

Empire Website

http://www.empirecinemas.co.uk/index.php?page=home

Cineworld Website

http://www.cineworld.co.uk/

Rex Website

http://www.therex.co.uk/

Purbeck Film Festival Website

http://www.purbeckfilm.org.uk/

My sincere thanks to all that spoke to me. I appreciate it and wish your cinemas the best.